so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
