Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
