i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
