Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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