just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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