Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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