How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
