Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
