Im at strip club and am horny
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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