Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
