Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Welp...herpes.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
