Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
