so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
