I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize