There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I just blew my weed a kiss
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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