I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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