mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize