Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
