i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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