I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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