All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
