drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
