Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
