call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Are we still banned from the library?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
