Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize