Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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