i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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