if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
My vagina just recognized that song.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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