ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
