So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
