My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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