I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
