i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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