for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
