If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
