i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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