remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
