You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
