I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
