so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
