Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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