dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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