Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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