Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
