i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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