Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
