They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
