I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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