i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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