I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
