I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
