I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
