his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
