I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
