I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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