everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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