I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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