Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
