walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
