Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
