Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
