My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
