I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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