no, he came in my armpit
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
