the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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