One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
