matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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