Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
