So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
