so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
