Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
