Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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